Elevator etiquette. Learn some.

The elevator etiquette in Dubai is absolutely appalling. And this is real shame because this city is full of ridiculous skyscrapers. It’s like real life Coruscant.

city-planet of Coruscant, from “Star Wars”

But in the “me first” culture of Dubai, no-one really has any kind of etiquette, let alone elevator etiquette, so I shouldn’t be shocked.

Once I was waiting for an elevator here in Dubai, and when it finally came and the doors opened, what did I see but someone literally hanging from the interior door frame like a monkey. Did this person offer to move, or even stop hanging? Nope. The door opened, a dude was hanging in the door, I stood there with my mouth agape completely flabbergasted, and the door closed. I waited for the next elevator.

Elevator etiquette is simple, and relieves a lot of stress, anger and annoyance from your fellow elevator mates. Follow these few basic steps, and you’re well on your way to being a better human being, less likely of a brutal beating from someone who has lost their patience or might just be having a bad day:

  1. While waiting for the elevator to pick you up, stand away from the door. Despite what you may think, the elevator is not activated by your body being pushed up against the sliding entrance doors. It is activated by buttons on the wall that you push. Like magic.
  2. When the elevator arrives, let the people inside out first. I know this sounds crazy, because obviously you’re more important than everybody else so it is IMPERATIVE that you get inside IMMEDIATELY, but trust me, everything will go much more smoothly if you just stand aside, leaving a clear path so people can leave the elevator, which in turn, leaves you more space to enter the elevator. Imagine!
  3. Once inside, stand away from the exit door.* Again, I know you’re more important than everybody else and that it’s your right to be the first to leave the elevator once you need to, but the advantage of standing to the side is that all those low life common people coming in and out before you get to your floor won’t be brushing their grubby selves against you as they try to get past the obstacle course that you have made of yourself. So do yourself a favor and move away from the f****** door.
  4. It’s your floor. And your turn to finally be a jerk if there’s some other jerk standing directly outside of the elevator door blocking your exit because he so desperately needs to get in there NOW. Feel free to shove on by this Rude Gus and deliver a “dude, you’re a real piece of shit” glare while you’re at it. Top with an ” Um, excuse you” if you’re feeling really agitated.

* If you choose to move aside and lean against the wall, be careful not to lean against the wall of 37 floor buttons and accidentally press almost every one of them in a single moment of complete, oblivious stupidity. I can tell you from personal experience, this will not make you any friends. And if you do this, do not immediately start to laugh, even if you’re doing it as silently as possible with your face pressed into a corner of the elevator. You’re not fooling anyone because your body is shaking trying to contain the hysterics, and no-one else is finding it funny. In the end, you’ll really be the one to suffer because of course your office is on floor 36 of a 37-story building. Of course it is.

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One thought on “Elevator etiquette. Learn some.

  1. Can I add another one: don’t leave anything in the lift, that means take away food wrappers, bags of rubbish, puddles of water after swimming and trolleys. The latter are supposed to be returned to the basement lobby after use, not simply shoved in to the lift.

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